Thursday night my wife shared with me one of the great news stories of the day: A cat that could flush a toilet. Her focus was disappointment in her cat who could not even seem to push open a door to come in the bedroom. She was hoping that this meant her cat could learn. I am not holding my breath.
Friday morning as I was walking through the bedroom she called out, “Watch this!” I assumed it was something important: Impeachment proceedings begun, Sarah Palin announcing a run for president, Iran renouncing terrorism, Al Gore finding the error in his calculations about global warming, you know the kind of thing. It turned out that the “news” station was playing the video of the cat flushing the toilet and watching the water swirl; again and again.
This is an important news story. It could be the turning point in the struggle to save the earth from the pollution of humanity. You see, the companions of the cat, being responsible people, were trying to cut down on their water usage. They could not figure out how they were using so much water. Evidently one day they were home and discovered that the culprit was not someone taking long showers or running the dishwasher but a cat that loved to watch water swirl. From what I could pick up the cat would spend the entire day flushing the toilet and watching the water. Needless to say this seemed like a waste of water.
Why is this important? It represents a total about face for the worshipers of Gaia. Animals can do no wrong. They are following the goodness of nature. This cat wants to flush toilets all day. Who are we to question and say it is a “waste” of water? How presumptive! It is a part of nature.
But wait! Maybe this is an opportunity. Might I suggest that we need a new water tax so that we can have a federal program to install easy flush toilets in homes for cats to flush. They would need to be in rooms with no doors to that the felines would not be denied what nature demands. For those cats who seem to not get the idea we could open up special education classes at the local schools and take some of that education money to bring our struggling friends up to speed. We could pass laws limiting the showers of the wasteful humans an install meters to make sure that they would comply.
This all brings new meaning to the phrase, “Nature calls.”
Instead of Montezuma’s Revenge we will have the Garfield’s Gift.
Enjoy your showers while you can.
homo unius libri
I am incensed! To think that this cat grew up flushing a toilet for fun, while I grew up crapping in a porcelain bucket and in a hole in the ground (under a little building)! This cat is obviously part of the privileged crowd - the "fat cats" if you will. It's time for the toilet-less poor to revolt and drive the fat cats from their thrones! Bucket crappers - UNITE!
ReplyDeleteYou obviously need to spend more time hugging trees so that your inner male rage has an outlet. Remember that the cat is your brother and your anger is probably the result of your subconscious bias. Maybe you could come to our school and take my place when they put us through the training to make us more sensitive.
ReplyDeleteOf course there is also the fact that a porcelain bucket and liberty is better than flush toilets as a pet.
Grace and peace.