I think I am like a lot of men. I can’t get into Valentine’s Day. I remember a story about a wife complaining because her husband did not tell he loved her often enough. His response was, “Didn’t I tell you I loved you when I proposed?” “Yes,” she answered. “Didn’t I promise to love you in our wedding vows?” “Yes.” He concluded his part of the discussion with, “If it ever changes, I will let you know.” I don’t think it concluded her side of the conversation.
A lot of us hide behind the old canard, “It’s the thought that counts”. That is a beautiful thought, but it doesn’t count because it is only a thought. There are two things that really must be added to the equation if you want the thought to count.
First comes action. You must do something about the thought. Here is where I face my initial failure. I have a lot of good thoughts. I make a lot of romantic plans. My heart is in the right place but it is kind of like planning on paying your income taxes but never getting around to it. The IRS will not be impressed by the thought. Neither will your wife.
Second comes money. Even action is not the “thought that counts” unless it involves a lot of money. I know it is sad but the only way that women seem to feel like you are sincere is if you spend more than you can afford when you are in your rational mind. I enjoy watching “Father of the Bride.” I think Steve Martin did a good job of remaking it. Both versions are delightful on one level. On another level they are terrifying. They spend enough on the wedding to buy a small house for the newly wedded couple or place a substantial down payment on a big one. My daughter did a good job of keeping the cost down on her wedding, after all, I raised her, but I shudder when I think of the sit down dinners I have attended at the Ritz Carlton after the ceremony of some weddings. Wedding debt is an albatross as much as college debt.
So I will do what I must do but in my heart I struggle. Christian love is agape. Secular love is eros. It is too bad that the love word of the world is replacing the love word of the Gospel.
Maybe next year I will have a better attitude.
homo unius libri
I take my wife out to eat on our anniversary and that's it. She no longer wants flowers, chocolates or gifts, saying it's a waste of money. Maybe hard times restore perspective.
ReplyDeleteIn the context of the world and many Americans I would say I have never known genuine hard times. I have rubbed up against it a few times but there has always either been a reprieve or family intervention. My wife would probably disagree with that but she is not here writing.
DeleteGrace and peace