Opus 2020-028: On the Street: Hold Your Licker

One of the social trends we are watching is licking ice cream.  It is considered cool to go to the freezer section of your local grocery store, pick a flavor, remove the top, lick the ice cream, put the top back on and return it to the shelf.  This is brought to mind by a video I watched recently of a man arrested for such an act.  He didn’t seem to be the least bit embarrassed and wondered why it was wrong.  How was he supposed to know what the flavor was if he didn’t taste it?

I find this disgusting in a passive sort of way.  It is passive because it has little chance of effecting me.  I like ice cream, don’t get me wrong, or put me in some Weird Box.  While I like it I avoid it because of the calories involved.  But there are other reasons why it has little chance of touching me.

First, since I don’t eat it much, when I do most of the carton is already gone.  Other family members have consumed the portion that is most likely contaminated.  It sucks to be them but I thank them for their service.

Second, I tend to go for standard flavors.  My feeling is that the social misfits who think this is the way to go also go for the exotics.

Third, like all barbarians, these losers are attracted toward the rich and famous.  Just as graffiti artists prefer clean walls and pristine books, so lickers go after the brands that are screaming “I am liked by the rich and famous.”  You know the ones I mean without naming brands.  They are two or three times the cost and come in pints. 

I would suggest that if you buy ice cream you remove the lid when you get to the cash register and see if there are any tongue marks left by the studs in tongues of the lickers or the opposite extreme, if it is really smooth in the middle someone has been exercising what will soon become a civil right.

What a country.

homo unius libri